Dating a guy who doesn’t want a relationship is frustrating both mentally and emotionally. Even if you feel good around him, it’s no excuse to fool around and not seek something meaningful instead.
He keeps you around without a relationship because he is running from the responsibilities that come with commitment. If he can derive every benefit of a relationship without the difficult parts, why wouldn’t he? It is also possible that he has some unresolved issues from his past.
The fear of getting hurt again is a valid reason. He needs more time with you before taking the plunge.
Reasons Why He Keeps You Around But Doesn’t Want A Relationship
Instead of getting mad and giving up on him, try and find the exact reason by sticking around. Look for one or some of the reasons mentioned in the list below. Then, decide on a course of action accordingly.
1. He Is Scared Of Getting Hurt
Men with bad past experiences in relationships will always try to steer clear of getting involved in something serious again. He will be very careful with his actions and cautious about the girl he lets in his life. He doesn’t want to be in a vulnerable state again.
If this guy had a heartbreak in the past, he would try to avoid getting into a relationship for a substantial amount of time. To him, emotionally attaching himself to you seems a big mistake right now.
2. Different Future Plans
One of the major reasons he won’t get into something serious with you is that the two of you have different plans for the future. He can see early on how difficult it will be to keep the relationship alive with such contrasting life goals.
You are thinking emotionally, and he is seeing the practical side of the situation, which isn’t allowing him to commit if there is no future.
3. Fears Losing His Freedom
What most men fear about a relationship is that they will lose their freedom afterward. And if this guy is someone who likes being single and enjoys the comfort of staying alone, you can’t expect much from him.
He doesn’t want to carry the burden of responsibilities that come along with the commitment. He loves his freedom and doesn’t want to get trapped in something as serious as a relationship.
4. Personal Issues
In life, we go through many things, and not all of us are expressive enough to share them with our partners. Some guys have a hard time coming out of what they are experiencing within. It could be anything from family, friends, career, or self-reflection on past life choices.
Maybe he is in a bad place right now, and some internal conflicts need to be resolved first.
5. He Is Shy And Nervous
Getting into a relationship is a big deal for some, and if this guy is shy or introverted, the whole idea will scare him. Maybe he wants to take the next big step with you, but he is scared of everything going haywire. He might be thinking too much about the consequences and waiting for the right moment.
He is taking his time and gathering all his courage to take the big leap with you when he feels it’s right. Before the right time, he is scared he might even lose you as a friend.
6. He Just Broke Up With Someone
Some guys would not want to get into another relationship if they just came out of a serious one. Perhaps your guy isn’t very stable right now. He is hurt, and forcing him to take major decisions as another relationship can backfire. All he needs right now is emotional support.
Help him heal and clear his thoughts. Still, it would not guarantee that he’ll step into a relationship with you in the future. But your support is what he needs right now.
7. You Are Not The One
A lot of people mix up liking someone and loving them. Even if you love this guy and have amazing chemistry with him, it doesn’t necessarily mean he feels the same way about you. Maybe he doesn’t feel for you romantically at all and is looking for something else in someone else.
He doesn’t see you as the one with whom he could be in a relationship.
8. He Is Bored And Lonely
Humans are social beings. We feel good when surrounded by good company. Maybe this guy is someone who doesn’t like to be alone and is scared of loneliness. He is not used to being alone. He keeps you around to feel complete.
Or if he is bored, he sees you as someone who’s always available to chill at his leisure. Basically, you are his go-to person every time he has nothing better to do.
9. Only For Physical Intimacy
He is in no mood to sign up for a relationship when he is getting all the ‘benefits’ without committing to you. It doesn’t mean that being intimate before getting him to commit is wrong. Many couples start by getting physical first and sometimes gradually fall in love with each other.
If your guy is mostly touchy and feely, all he wants is a good time without a relationship. Is he there for you outside the bedroom? Probably not. Stop giving him what he seeks and see where things go.
10. Keeping His Options Open
He is trying to keep his options open by not getting into a relationship with you. Perhaps, he is at a stage in life where he doesn’t want to settle for just one girl. He wants to explore and see the other ‘fishes in the sea’. For him, a relationship would be putting all his eggs in one basket.
If things don’t go well with you, he will have plenty of girls as a backup. Without a relationship, he can leave you anytime without guilt for someone he thinks is better than you.
11. He Is After Someone Else
A guy won’t get into a relationship with you if he’s chasing someone else. It could be his long time crush or some other girl. Now, if he loves someone else, why is he keeping you around? Probably because that girl is not returning his interest in her in kind.
You are the backup for some girl he is currently trying to pursue.
12. He Sees You As A Friend
If you guys started off as friends, the chances are that he wouldn’t want to lose or risk your friendship by getting into a relationship with you. For him, relationships are prone to fail and what you guys have right now is way better than a conventional relationship.
The thought of losing you as his close friend and things getting awkward between the two of you are too much to bear for him. That’s what is holding him back from committing to you.
13. Not Over His Ex
Maybe he is not over his ex yet and is still waiting for her to come back. He wants to patch up with her as he still loves her a lot. Also, he doesn’t want to lose that chance when it presents itself by being in a relationship with you.
He is carrying a baggage of emotions on his shoulders. The only good you are serving in his life is providing a shoulder for him to cry on.
14. Focused On His Career
Some career-oriented men try to stay as far as possible from dramas of a relationship. According to them, they don’t have time to waste on something as meaningless as a relationship. All he wants is a casual affair.
Or maybe he sees whatever the two of you have right now as the optimal arrangement.
15. He Doesn’t Know What He Wants
He is at a place where he is yet to decide what he actually wants. Maybe, he doesn’t know whether he is ready for a serious relationship or not. He likes being with you, and you give him the comfort of being himself, but still, he is not sure if it’s the right thing to do or not.
Right now, he just wants to let things remain as they are. He wants to see how things play out in the long run before taking a substantial decision about you.
16. Family Issues
His family doesn’t approve of you, and he doesn’t want to get on their bad side. Does that mean you are doing something wrong? Not necessarily. You cannot force people to love you. Maybe his family already has someone else in mind for their son.
He knows it pretty well but wants to keep you around for as long as possible. He doesn’t want to hurt you by giving you false hopes or by committing to you.
17. Habitual To You
He knows he’s not in love with you, nor you are the one he dreams of. Still, he chooses to tag along out of habit. He has become habitual to your presence. The fear of not finding someone as worthy as you and failing to meet someone better than you is what makes him keep coming back.
To him, you are good but not good enough for a relationship. He is stuck with indecision. The moment he finds someone better, you’ll be history.
What To Do When A Guy Says He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?
When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, do not force him into one. He is not into you the way you want. If a relationship is a must, you are better off with someone else. For a man who’d be crazy about you, a relationship would be a natural progression after dating you.
If you are still confused about whether to wait or give up on him, here are some pointers to help you move forward. They do not promise the desired outcome, i.e., getting this guy to commit to you. However, they’ll make you look at the situation with an objective and impartial view.
In the matters of the heart, our judgment often becomes clouded.
1. Ask Yourself If It’s Too Early To Expect A Relationship
Have you been dating him only for a month or two? What seems like a perfect time to you might be too early for him. You need to understand that different people require different lengths of time to feel settled with a person. Are you at fault for expecting something from early on? No.
Are you at fault for expecting him to want the same things as you? Perhaps yes. Maybe he wants more time to know you better or build a deeper connection and think about a future with you. With that being said, there is something called taking too much time.
He is just playing around if he is not willing to commit even after dating you for three to four months.
2. Give Him Time And Space
If he has some commitment issues due to past experiences, try giving him more time. Allowing him to get closure is essential if you want him to take the next step with you willingly. Don’t make rash decisions or enforce your wishes upon him as you may lose what you have and regret it later.
If you feel he’s just stalling to derive benefits and avoid commitment, give him the space he seeks. However, he should prepare for life without you. He should be aware that time is ticking. If he doesn’t decide soon, you’ll be long gone.
He should not be expecting you to stick around forever just because he is indecisive. Commitment doesn’t happen overnight. It requires the people involved to be in the right frame of mind and willing to follow through.
3. Set Boundaries For Him
If he expresses his feelings of not wanting anything serious at the moment, you also need to take a step back. Don’t try to drill your views and expectations into him. But at the same time, don’t become his puppet.
If you strongly want a relationship but he doesn’t, not voicing your opinion and compromising to keep him happy will only make you frustrated. If you don’t tell him clearly about your expectations, how will he realize that you are not happy with the way things are at present?
Set some boundaries. If there comes a time beyond which you cannot be with him without a relationship, have the courage to leave him and walk away forever. Be soft and understanding but don’t let him walk all over you.
4. Make Him Put Efforts
He won’t value what he has with you until he is equally invested in you. Looking for a serious relationship is terrible until both of you are equally invested in each other. The message should be clear that he will have to put in efforts, energy, and time. If he doesn’t fear losing you, he will never take you seriously.
Let him put his foot down on the accelerator and take charge while you take the back seat. Let him be the first to call or text you, make plans for the weekend and make efforts to reach out to you. People are hardwired to value what they make efforts for.
Once he begins valuing your presence and sees it as a prize, he’ll want to ensure that he doesn’t lose you. And what will he do next? Ask you to be in a committed relationship with him to ensure your exclusivity to a certain level. It’s a neat psychological hack.
To make your pull on him even more compelling, don’t always be available whenever he reaches out. A prize is difficult to win. Have a life of your own. Balance is the key here. Being too available and constantly being unavailable are both harmful.
5. Don’t Be Needy
Nagging and being needy is unattractive. It’s a big turn-off for guys. If you continue to complain and try to convince him for a relationship, it will push him further away. He will feel suffocated and pressured to do something he clearly doesn’t want to.
He might even cut ties with you which is the opposite of what you are trying to achieve here. You should never have to force a guy into a relationship. It should always come naturally to him after dating you.
6. Respect His Decisions
Whether he decides to stay or leave, you should respect his will. If he chooses you, that’s great as now you have a new relationship to look forward to. But if he doesn’t, don’t get mad and start cursing or hitting him.
Even if he accepts, don’t get too attached and let your guard down because it is possible that he said yes under the pressure of losing you. Be prepared for a shock down the road when he realizes that he acted against his instincts.
7. Accept The Truth
There might come a time when you would have tried everything. You would have talked to him about your expectations, make him aware that you are not going to stick around forever, but still, he won’t budge. At this point, you’ll have to accept the harsh truth that he’ll not be getting into a relationship with you.
There cannot be any ifs and buts at this point. His intentions are crystal clear, and by still expecting something from him, you’ll only be living in denial and under false hopes. It’s time to cut off all contact with him and move forward with your life.
You have to make up for all the time you’ve lost chasing this guy.
8. Let Him Go
When he leaves you, don’t go begging after him. If a charity is what you seek, you won’t be able to hold on to him anyway. Guys desire a high-value woman in their life. It’s much more fun to be with someone who can throw us off our tracks and pose a challenge.
A needy behavior might earn you his sympathy but not his love. He is not the only guy out there in the pool. Clinging on to him and being stubborn will be a waste of precious time. It will delay the inevitable end for a short while but will be far from a permanent solution.
Brace yourself for rejection and have the courage to get your life back on track. A heartbreak is cruel but not the end of the world. Pat yourself on the back for being true to your emotions. You clearly conveyed what you wanted. Some people can never bring themselves up to be so bold.
If you want a serious and meaningful relationship and he doesn’t, the chances are you will end up wasting your time. Look if his feelings for you are genuine, and he is not using you for fun. A guy who loves you will not be afraid to make you a permanent part of his life.
He would be more than willing to plan a future with you. A relationship with him will never feel enforced.