Breakups can be painful and devastating. You go through a lot of things, and your mind is running in circles. It becomes hard not to think about your ex or those happy memories. To ease the pain, people try to distract themselves by doing a lot of stuff, and one of the things is sleeping with someone, which is commonly known as rebound sex.
The most important thing to consider before going for a rebound is to calculate whether or not you are ready for it. If you are still in a phase where you feel like going back to your ex and call them regularly, then rebound is not something you should do. Take time and deal with your emotions. Running away won’t help, certainly not in the long term.
We have tried to approach the subject of a rebound as objectively as possible and will try to show you both sides of the coin. Do not skim over the article. Read every word carefully and only then decide what path suits your personality.
The DOs & DON’Ts Of A Rebound Relationship
1. Choose The Person Wisely
Since you’ve just gotten out of a relationship which broke your heart, you must choose people wisely from now on. Even if it’s just about a one good night that you are looking for. You should always choose someone you already know and someone you trust.
This will ensure your safety and help you in keeping things private. Also, having rebound sex with someone you know is better than a stranger as you don’t have to go through all those initial awkwardness and hesitation. Just try not to do it with somebody you will see every day, like your workplace.
Facing them can be a bit awkward afterwards.
2. Do It To Have A Good Time
Rebound sex is all about having fun and living in the moment. Be comfortable and open about your likings and dislikes. Also, don’t forget to consider the feelings of the other person involved. Try to show compassion and be nice. More than the sex, it’s about getting out there and meeting people.
Get to know them better, make a good friend and add a good memory for a lifetime.
3. Say No If You Are Not Comfortable
So, you are all boosted and excited about this meeting and tell yourself that you are so over your ex? But when you are there in that moment with this person, you slowly realize that no you are still stuck in your past relationship. Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Guilty perhaps?
Now you can’t say no because this person is here just for you. But you should understand that no contract bounds you to do it. If you don’t feel like it, then straight away say no. If you do this just for the sake of this other person, then you are going to regret it later and hate yourself for not listening to yourself.
4. Put Your Best Face Forward
As you are going to meet someone other than your ex for the first time after your breakup, it is natural to be conscious. You were out of the field for a long time. You may overthink the whole situation as to how you’re going to talk and how you should pose in front of them or what if you’ll scare them away.
Further, you should keep in mind that you don’t have anything to lose here, so why worry. Let the other person see the happy you, not someone who is heartbroken and still misses their ex. Forget everything else and be in the moment. Be your best self like never before.
5. Let Your Intentions Be Known
When going for a rebound, you should always ensure that the other person knows what your intentions are. Tell them that you are not looking for anything serious and it’s just about having a quality time together. It’s better, to be honest than to give false hope to someone.
Even if you wish to stay in contact, then ask them without beating around the bush and see if you both are on the same page. Also, if you are seeing and sleeping around with multiple people simultaneously and exploring, then let it be known. Make it clear to them not to expect anything meaningful.
However, avoid having multiple sex partners at the same time. More on this later.
6. Don’t Do It To Make Your Ex Jealous
Some people sleep with others to make their ex jealous or make them feel as if they just don’t care and have moved on. Also, if their ex slept with someone, they sleep with more people to one-up them. It is a very childish way to react to a breakup because deep down, they know it’s just a façade, and they are broken from within.
So, rather than finding all the wrong reasons to sleep with someone else, it is better to deal with your emotions first. Address your feelings and give yourself time to heal.
7. Don’t Have Unrealistic Expectations
You’ve just gotten out of a relationship, and it would be a bad idea to get into another one. It may look tempting to replace your ex with this newfound interest with whom the sex is incredible, but in reality, you’re not ready for another roller coaster ride.
You don’t even know if this person wants the same thing or not. So, see your rebound as a rebound only and nothing more. Don’t try to turn it into something serious. Don’t try to force things and let time take its course.
8. Don’t Lose Control
If you gel along with this person, then there is a possibility that you will start talking about your past relationship and then get all emotional about it. Talking about your ex will be a huge turnoff, so refrain from doing that. Another thing to avoid is consuming alcohol or any intoxicating substance.
You should stay in your senses for your own safety and this way you won’t regret your actions later.
9. Don’t Have Multiple Rebound Partners
Now that you are single, you can do anything with anyone, right? No. We understand that feeling of freedom but hold back such thoughts for a while. You are angry at your ex and not in your senses, so it would be better just to take a break and let this storm of emotions settle first.
Even when you are ready, don’t go from one person to another. Don’t do it just because you can. HIV, AIDS, and other STDs are still a thing. You don’t know if you will be able to live with your decisions later. You have a whole life ahead in front of you.
10. Don’t Overthink Afterwards
Don’t beat yourself up with all the overthinking. There is nothing to be ashamed of. If it makes you feel bad and realize that you are not a person who likes rebounds, then take it as a lesson and move on. You had a good time, and it is all that matters.
Putting yourself under stress because of the guilt is absolutely unnecessary.
Is It Bad To Sleep With Someone After A Breakup?
No, it’s not entirely a bad thing to sleep with someone after a breakup. If you feel good and excited about it, it’s right for you. If you are confused about whether to do it or not, you are certainly not ready for it. Rebounds can be both good and bad depending on the situation and the emotional state in which a person is.
1. Why Rebound Can Be A Bad Thing?
When a relationship ends, especially the long ones, we go through a series of emotions and thoughts. We are not in a state where we can think and act wisely. You don’t know what to do.
You may want to get back at your ex or make them jealous or show them that you are over them, have moved on, and they don’t even matter to you. Also, you decide to sleep with someone else, but you were not ready for this.
You may do it in the heat of the moment but regret it later as you were not completely over your ex. The morning after guilt can be overwhelming. What if you wanted to get back together, but now you’ve ruined the chances? You may end up hating yourself for doing this and not taking more time.
So, going for rebound sex right after a breakup can add to your misery. You may feel even more hurt and lost.
2. How Can A Rebound Really Help You?
Sometimes you get involved in a toxic relationship. A rebound relationship or a one night stand can serve as your first step towards freedom from a relationship that never gave you a moment of happiness, drained you entirely, and always felt like a burden.
Your partner made you feel inferior, stupid, and unworthy of love and affection. They impacted you so negatively that you feel like you will never get someone better than this person ever in life. Maybe you even feel like going back no matter how that person treats you.
It becomes essential to know your worth in such a situation, and sometimes it becomes easy to see it in someone else’s eyes. Going out with someone else and exploring can give you that lost sense of confidence back and make you feel desirable.
It can give you a different view of the world that awaits you. Also, some people have made beautiful relationships out of rebounds. It gives you a way to escape from your woes, process your emotions and the situation with a bit more clarity, and decide the future course of your actions with a calm mind.
Why? Because post-nut clarity is a thing. However, the condition is always there. You should feel like doing it and not do it just for the sake of it. Else, as we have mentioned above, it turns out to be a bane instead of a boon.
How Long Should You Wait After Breakup To Hook Up?
There is no particular time frame as to when one should start hooking up after a breakup. Every breakup has its own story and difficulties. It depends on the person going through it.
Some people are emotionally stronger than others and don’t take much time to move on, while some take ages to overcome the heartbreak. Whatever the scenario, we suggest you wait at least 2 to 3 months to hook up with someone new after a breakup.
Many people use rebound as a means to escape the pain of a breakup. They don’t want to face tough circumstances and want an easy way out. If the breakup did not affect you emotionally, and you were not attached to your partner, then 3 to 4 weeks are enough before you sleep with someone new.
Breakups can be nasty and may hit you hard, so it’s always best to give yourself the time to heal before jumping into the battleground all over again.
Is There A Wrong Time To Do It?
Hooking up immediately after a breakup is a bad idea. It may feel tempting at first, but you may hurt your ex’s feelings if you had a good relationship and if they were a nice person. As a result, you might find yourself hating your actions because it may still feel like cheating on your ex.
Of course, an exception to this rule is if your ex was a complete jerk, was cheating on you, or hurt your feelings deliberately. Then there is no point in considering their feelings. Trust us when we say that you don’t want to hook up with someone else immediately if you got dumped or while you grieve for your ex.
Wait until you are emotionally stable and understand why you are not together with your ex. When you can reckon that whatever happened was good for you both and you are better off without each other, then only you might call it the right time.
Before you do it, it is important to accept that you are no longer together, and it will stay this way. You are ready to move on only when you no longer constantly think about your ex and don’t take their memory everywhere with you.
You’ll be ready when you have given yourself enough time to recover and rejuvenate, when you feel good and excited from within, and when you are clear about what you want for yourself. You should know whether you are ready to let someone new enter your life and if you do, then go for it.
Will Sleeping With Someone Else Help You Get Over Your Ex?
It never really helps. If you were in a relationship that was full of love, care and you were loyal to your partner, then sleeping with someone else won’t stop you from thinking about your ex. It can give you a short term pleasure but nothing more than that.
Rebound sex is nothing but a temporary escape from the pain of a heartbreak. You may not think about your ex in that particular moment and may even feel like you are over them, and you don’t care. But as soon as you get a moment alone, all those emotions will come running back to you thus leaving you teary-eyed.
You can not forget someone you loved, just like that. It’s okay to do so after a certain amount of time, but it will only do more damage if done immediately after the breakup.
What Will A Rebound Bring To The Table?
Do you want a quick fix to your heartbreak and thinking of a rebound? Are you expecting that this new person will help you get over your ex? Trying to find some happiness and solace?
But what will happen is that your high expectations get shattered as you start comparing this new person with your ex. You are habitual to a certain type of bonding that you had with your ex. Obviously, this person doesn’t know that, and you find yourself feeling lonely and even more broken.
So, you need to get your ex out of your head, not your bed. Give time some time. Sleeping with someone else won’t do you any good if done with the sole purpose of getting over your ex. But it can turn out to be a good thing if you are tired of all grieving and, for a change, really want to have some fun and move on in life.
Sleeping With An Ex After A Breakup
Now we are going to deal with an even more complex subject, i.e. sleeping with your ex after a breakup. Coming out of long term relationships is tough. Every day, you try to get it all out of your head and heart, but your ex is everywhere.
And when you finally move ahead in your life, there is no point going back and sleeping with your ex as it ruins all the effort you’ve put into coming this far. It is a momentary pleasure, and afterward, you will have to start all over again, carrying that burden of guilt.
You will get back to the same emotional state where you were after your breakup. It is like scratching an old wound. But at the same time, it helps if you were not much emotionally invested in the relationship. It will be easy for you to do it and move on without letting it come back to you.
What you will get out of sleeping with your ex depends on why you are doing it and how you feel about them at present. Again it can do you both good and bad considering the type of relationship you had with your ex.
Why It Can Be A Good Decision?
It can be considered good in some cases, depending on the type of relationship and bond you had with your ex. If you were the one who was less invested in the relationship, then it can be easier for you to cope up with the feelings.
Again, you should always know if you are ready or not as it’s a step that’s definitely going to leave an impact on you.
1. It Can Help You Reconsider The Breakup
Sometimes what happens is we have a huge fight with our partner over a little thing. Without proper communication and understanding, that fight turns into a breakup. With the boosted ego and denial, none of the two tries to talk or sort things out.
This way, we ignore all the good things that our partner does and continue to focus on those little moments where things were not right. In a situation like this, one moment of passion is all you need to realize about the good things you are missing.
This can help you see how you both behave childishly and were about to ruin a relationship that could have been perfect.
2. Can Help You Give Or Get Closure
People consider having breakup sex or sex after a breakup to bid each other a final goodbye. This can be good when both partners break up with a mutual understanding and are mentally strong enough to handle things that are to come in the future where they are no longer together.
You get to know that even if you try to get back together with this person, it will not work out. They want to end the relationship on a good note, and spending one night together may help to get that sense of satisfaction and realization that what you had together was great, and now it has finally come to an end.
However, this rarely plays out well as people are, after all, human. This can make things even uglier than before as one person’s consent to have sex can be misunderstood as a step forward in getting back together.
Thus, we advise you against it unless you both are absolutely sure that it will be a one-time thing or just sleeping around without commitment if regular.
3. May Give You A Sense Of Clarity
Getting in bed with your ex after breaking up can help you clarify why you two broke up and that the reason is fair enough to do so. This person is not someone you wish to see yourself together with in the future. It may as well help you set standards for your future relationships.
Usually, when we are with someone, we tend to ignore all their bad qualities. But when you get some time apart, it becomes easier to see all that the next time you meet. So this meeting can help you know how the person is not even worth crying for. Moving on can get smooth for you.
Again beware of the barrage of emotions that may break all dams and come flooding through. It requires some superhuman emotional strength to sleep with your ex, however hurtful they may have been, and not feel anything.
4. To Have Fun Together For Old Times Sake
If the best part of your past relationship was sex, it tends to stay with you until you find someone better. So, the feeling of going back to your ex for sex is not that uncommon. It also gives a sense of security. When you’ve been in a long term relationship, then one night stands with strangers may seem alien.
And when those burning desires come calling, what better way to satisfy it if not the ex who is definitely going to satisfy your carnal cravings. Have fun but get out of there as soon as possible once you are done. No regrets. You don’t owe your ex anything now.
What Are the Risks Involved?
However good sleeping with an ex may sound, always remember that your ex is an ex for a reason. Sometimes it is better not to re-open the door for someone in your life.
1. It Beats The Whole Purpose
The biggest drawback of sleeping with an ex is that it beats the whole purpose of breaking up and moving on. There is a huge risk of not being able to keep sex and feelings separate. You may try to trick yourself into thinking that everything is normal and the breakup never happened, but deep inside, you know that it happened.
And the next day, when you wake up and say goodbye to your ex, it’s going to break your heart into a thousand pieces, and you will be left feeling stupid and more lonely than before. So, it’s always better to steer clear of your ex if you are still emotionally vulnerable and can never forgive them.
2. Unmet Expectations
Some people try to sleep with their ex, secretly expecting to get back together. They think it will fix the relationship, and everything will be just like it was before. But what they don’t know is the intention of their partner.
They don’t consider what their exes have planned and whether or not they intend to get back. For your ex, it may be just one night of fun expecting you not to act clingy and desperate. So it can turn out to be a massive blow to your expectations and will leave you more shattered and broken than before.
3. Making Yourself Vulnerable To Betrayal
Your ex convinces you to have sex with them and, in return, promises you to patch things up. Your ex may be using you for a night where they are alone or drunk. They have no plans of getting back together with you because they never loved you.
You get in bed with them believing everything they said and then you never hear from them again. Now, you feel betrayed and used. If you had a toxic relationship with your ex, never ever think of coming close even to their shadow as it will only do you more damage.
4. The Pressure To Get Back
Nothing is worse than feeling forced to getting back together with your ex just because one of you or both gave in to your urge for intimacy. The feeling of guilt can make us act in an irrational way. When you are in bed with your ex, you are not thinking straight.
You are not thinking about why you didn’t want to be with them in the first place. And then, just after having sex, you patch things up without even communicating about the issues. These unresolved issues are going to pile up just like before and going to eat you from within.
But you can’t do anything as it becomes a pattern before you realize it. You fight, you have sex, and everything feels normal until the next time the same issues crop up. So, never let your hormones rule your emotions, as it’s not going to do you any good in the long run.
Sex is good for a while but what counts in a healthy relationship is feeling genuinely happy from within.
Sleeping with someone after a breakup is risky if you do it without thinking about the consequences. Sometimes people who are not ready do it with the desperate need to feel good and have a ‘great experience.’ Even those who are prepared to face the consequences wish they had never done it.
So, in the end, it’s all about you and what you want. After all, we learn from our mistakes and experience. You might regret sleeping or not sleeping with someone new or your ex after a breakup, but at least now you know some of the things you can expect if you have thoroughly read the article.
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