Not every person reacts the same way to a breakup. Some prolong their misery while others try to come out of it as quickly as possible. But is there a wrong way to process your breakup?
You’re moving on too fast after a breakup if you’re feeling unaffected and aren’t grieving. Lack of emotional pain shows either you were never invested enough in the relationship, or you are living in denial as your mind isn’t accepting the breakup.
Feeling unaffected means you lacked as a lover. In case of denial, it is only a matter of time before reality hits you hard. Unresolved issues are left behind when we move on too fast. They haunt us later and mess our future relationships.
Signs You’re Moving On Too Fast After A Breakup
1. Your Break Up Doesn’t Affect You
Sure, you cried for your ex once or twice, but that’s all you did. What made you cry? The sudden void you felt. It wasn’t like your chest was feeling heavy, and you felt as if someone has clawed out your heart right through your chest.
If you did not feel like taking time to heal or go through a grieving period, it means there was nothing to grieve about in the first place. The only reason you are feeling bad is because of the pity you have for yourself. It has nothing to do with the relationship going bad.
You might miss your ex on rare occasions, but you were way over them even before you broke up. Is it bad that the breakup doesn’t affect you? Not necessarily. If you were in a toxic and abusive relationship, it is better you never feel an iota of grief. Even better if you are feeling happy and unbothered.
But if your partner loved you dearly and you were the less invested one, it’s time you ask yourself why were you in such a relationship? You might have scarred your ex’s psyche permanently even if they were the one who dumped you.
2. You Don’t Feel Like Knowing About Your Ex
Post-breakup, people feel this urge to connect with their ex. They want to know how they are doing. Has their ex moved on, or are they miserable? Whether they end up getting in touch is a totally different question. Some don’t because they are following the no-contact rule.
Others might not because they feel it is below their dignity. In contrast, the remaining may end up begging their exes to come back. But, this urge to know about their ex is the common factor among those who were invested in their relationships.
That attempt to contact their ex may surface after a few days, months, weeks, or even years. But you, on the other hand, don’t feel any urge. Even when your ex calls or texts you, you won’t feel one bit awkward about it as it will be like just any other call to you.
If you do not respond on purpose, it wouldn’t be because you are feeling strong emotions. You are least bothered about whether or not your ex is alive. You just don’t know and don’t feel like knowing either.
3. Very Active Social Life
Since the breakup, your social life has only expanded. People often become reclusive immediately after a breakup. Even if they try to connect with new people, it doesn’t feel natural to them. They realize that they are trying to cheat themselves into thinking that they’ve moved on.
Due to giving off sad vibes and their miserable appearance, some even drive away any potential suitor. You, on the other hand, are not deliberately trying to connect with new people. It’s happening naturally because you seem fine.
Further, you are looking forward to dating others. You find yourself flirting and giving hints that you are single and available. Given a chance, you’d have no problem giving your time and your ex’s place to someone else.
4. Seeing Multiple People
Now that you don’t have a relationship to bog you down, you are busy exploring all your options. For you, it’s the perfect time to enjoy your newfound freedom. And what’s a better way to throw yourself out on the playing field and vet every single person?
While seeing all these new people, you do not miss your ex at all. Seeing multiple people also keeps your mind occupied, in case you do feel the blues sometimes. You are trying to escape something.
5. You Are Sleeping Around
A telltale sign of moving on too fast after a breakup is getting into a rebound relationship as soon as you can. What’s the worst part? Unlike others, you feel no sense of guilt the morning after.
It’s like you do not care about how your ex would feel when they come to know that you are sleeping around with others so soon after the breakup. Why are you behaving this way? Because you have no intentions of getting back together with your ex.
You know for sure that it’s all over from your side you are not going to give your relationship another chance. You just proved that it’s easy for you to move on and live a life without them. It’s okay to move on gradually and sleep with someone else at some point in time.
But doing this just days or weeks after your breakup tells that there is a deep-seated psychological issue.
6. There’s No Trace Of Your Ex On Your Phone
People with a broken heart find it very hard to delete what they have of their ex as they want to keep it as a souvenir. Any photos, videos, contact details, or chats are saved as memoirs at least for a few months. Some even stick with them for years.
But if you have already done that without any second thoughts, you’re moving too fast. You are more worried about your phone’s space filling up than the memories.
Note that this is different from you deleting things immediately after a breakup because you know you’re too emotional, and they’ll only make you cry.
7. You Don’t Have Unresolved Emotions
Usually, after a breakup, people experience a lot of unresolved emotions. They are angry at their ex and also regret their own mistakes. The point is that a normal person would be riding an emotional roller coaster. But nothing of that sort is happening to you.
You are living a normal life without thinking or overthinking anything from your past relationship. You don’t feel a thing about your ex.
8. Even Your Friends & Family Members Are Surprised
They cannot seem to wrap their heads around the fact about how unaffected you are despite the recent breakup. You might have noticed someone casually mention how chill you are or something related.
Seeing you that carefree, they might have assumed that you are trying to hide your pain, or maybe the reality hasn’t hit you yet. The truth is that you feel nothing. You might even be surprising yourself about how nothing related to your past relationship seems to affect you.
9. You Don’t Regret Your Mistakes
After a breakup, people reflect upon their actions. They wish that maybe if they had done something differently, they could have saved their relationship from being fried. All the times they let their partner down makes them curse themselves and cry.
Does it all feel unrelatable to you? That’s because you are moving too fast to get over this breakup instead of processing the loss and learning your lessons. Your future relationship will not improve unless you mend your ways.
10. Nothing Reminds You Actively About Your Ex
Your ex no longer exists actively in your memories. You don’t miss them or miss being with them. When you see another couple, you don’t wish you were with your ex. You don’t sigh about how happy the other couples are and how you wish you had still had something like that.
Even the gifts that your ex gave don’t have a teary effect on you. You might go through the day using something from your ex and not realize that the object has the memories of your relationship attached to it.
11. You’ve Started Dating Someone Else
If it hasn’t been that long since your breakup and you are already dating someone else, you are moving too fast by not taking enough time to process what went wrong. This is a vicious cycle that will repeat itself over and over unless corrective measures are applied.
You are with someone, break up, move on to someone else and find the same problems have resurfaced. Five to six relationships down the line, and you may realize something is wrong with you. But you’d already have wasted a lot of time by then.
If being single or lonely scares you, you are the first thing you need to work on. Everyone has some form of problematic behavior. There is no shame in admitting it. Check and correct it now before jumping on to the next relationship. More and more relationships are not a wise way of filling your void.
How Soon Is Too Soon To Move On After A Breakup?
Anything less than 3 months is too soon to move on after a breakup. All the 3 months shouldn’t be about grieving, crying, or processing the breakup. Use the time to force yourself to be single, unavailable, and spend time in your own company. Don’t jump into a new relationship or start dating before that.
Also, if you still deeply feel for your ex, don’t cheat yourself into trying to move on. Take all the time in the world. The 3-month timeline isn’t hardcoded. For some, it is 6 months while others take a year to get back to their usual self. But 3- months is the bare minimum we suggest to clear your head.
Rushing things through will backfire. You can only say that you’ve truly moved only when it feels more gradual and natural. And that timeline till you ‘feel’ it varies for everyone. A person’s emotional strength plays a major role in deciding how soon they move on.
Here are some more signs that you haven’t moved on and are not ready either.
1. You Think A Lot About Your Ex
Your thoughts don’t allow you to see yourself with someone else other than your ex. Not only do you wish to meet your ex again, but you also hope to hear their voice for the last time. You might even beg for one last chance to explain things. Your ex is on your mind all the time.
2. You Stalk Your Ex
You know that stalking someone on social media is unethical and desperate. You might even find yourself stalking your ex in real life despite perfectly knowing that it is illegal to do so. To make matters worse, you drunk call or text your ex.
Can you really call this behavior ‘moving on’? Clearly, you need to help yourself get over this behavior before thinking of getting over your breakup.
Is It Bad To Move On Quickly After A Breakup?
It is bad to move on quickly after a breakup only if you are trying to force it on yourself. You’ll be able to trick your mind for a few days at most before your find yourself back on the floor. If you naturally get over your breakup fast, it doesn’t define your character. Don’t feel guilty about it.
1. Don’t Let Others Define Your Path
If you feel that you are moving on quickly but naturally, don’t let anyone else change your tune. You are the best judge of what comes naturally to you. People often assume that someone who moves on fast is a player and likes to change partners frequently.
The stigma attached to moving on fast comes from popular culture. Traditionally, we are made to believe that a heartbreak requires months and months of grieving and waiting for our lover to get back. Anyone going against the convention is seen as odd or unemotional.
However, the real world doesn’t work like that. People cry for a few nights, get it out of their system and move on. There is a limit to how much you can cry over a period of time.
2. People Don’t Know The Whole Story
It’s easy to judge. What’s worse? People do it without any idea about the background. Moving on too quickly looks heartless and unemotional on the surface level. You become the villain when your ex is crying and narrating a sob story everywhere. But what if you were in a toxic and abusive relationship?
Suddenly the whole perspective changes. Now people would change their tune to why you grieve about that scumbag of a person and how you should move on quickly. Therefore, if moving on too fast doesn’t feel wrong to you, you don’t owe an explanation to anyone.
What Happens When Force Yourself To Move On Too Quickly?
When you force yourself to move on quickly, you are prone to emotional instability. Your thoughts will be cluttered, and you won’t be able to think straight for long. Because you didn’t build a solid foundation for moving on, your dream of getting over your ex would come tumbling down.
1. It Shows In Your Behavior
You might be trying to fool yourself or the world, but you are fooling nobody. Trying to move on too fast leaves you without answers and unresolved emotions. You lose control over yourself despite feeling like you are in control.
Behavioral anxiety, stress, and erratic behavior are some of the red flags that scream you are in pain but not ready to accept it. You may end up hurting others by misbehaving with them. Not only do you complicate things for yourself, but also for those around you.
Confusion and chaos set in, which are destructive for your mental health. The only way to ensure stability is to endure the pain.
2. There Will Be Hurdles Everywhere
You will never be able to commit fully to a new person or activity if you are doing is just for the sake of moving on. Assume that you have stopped crying for your ex only when tears no longer come up naturally at the mention or thought of your ex.
You should begin dating again only when you are sure that even if you spot your ex with someone else, it wouldn’t feel like a stab in the heart. There are a ton of new things that you can do to streamline the process and genuinely help yourself unfocus from your ex.
The internet is filled with advice. The process of moving on should feel gradual and natural.
3. You Regret Your Haste
After you start dating someone new, you will get second thoughts about being with the new person. You’d still have feelings for your ex and miss them. What’s worse? You’ll incessantly compare your ex with whoever you are dating. People who genuinely move on do it, too, but the frequency is a lot less.
This will make it even harder for you to forget your ex. Whenever this new person disappoints you, you’ll regret your decision of not taking enough time to move on from your past. Neither you’ll be happy in your current relationship, nor you’ll be able to go back to your previous one.
4. You Risk Skipping The Learning
Moving on too quickly makes you skip the most important phase of a breakup, the learning period. When you take time to heal and learn from your past experiences, only then do you come out of your breakup better and stronger than before.
The introspection helps you realize what you want and what to avoid in the future. If you try to get over your breakup too quickly, you will make the same mistakes. You’ll be caught in a cycle of bad decisions.
5. You Choose Someone Wrong Again
When you do not know exactly what went wrong between you and your ex, the chances of you getting involved with someone similar are significantly higher. Why? Because you won’t recognize the exact traits of your ex that irked you in this new person.
Further, you’ll have no idea about what in you irked your ex. If it’s genuinely problematic behavior, you’ll be doing the same in your new relationship and drive it towards another breakup. You cannot make things work with someone else with the same faults.
If you could, you’d still be with your ex. Thinking emotionally will blur your far-sightedness and keep you trapped in the same level of relationships.
What Does It Mean If Your Ex Moves On Quickly?
If your ex moves on quickly, it either means they were over you while you were still together, or they are pretending to have moved on. If your ex is practical, emotionally strong, chances are they saw the breakup coming long ago and were prepared. Else, they are trying to find a shortcut to ease the pain.
1. They Got Over Excited
When people come out of a monogamous or long-term relationship, they tend to get over-excited with all the freedom they get after a breakup. True, they grieve over the breakup, but soon they realize they can be with anyone they want.
The newfound freedom makes them take the immature route of going out with multiple people. It pushes them further when they get some attention back. More often than not, they realize later on that it was just their excitement of being single again, not something meaningful.
As time passes, they miss their ex again and have to face the pain of the breakup in a natural way.
2. Your Ex Is In A Rebound
Possibly, your ex got into a rebound relationship because they couldn’t handle all the emotional stress they were experiencing. Some people just can’t stay single for more than a week out of habit.
They thought that being in a rebound or no-strings-attached arrangement would make it a lot easier for them to move on. Unfortunately, they don’t realize that rebounds are like a temporary band-aid to your problems.
What’s worse? With the rebound band-aid, the wound underneath never heals. It will be really painful when you finally have to rip it off.
3. Trying To Make You Jealous
If your ex is angry over the two of you up, they may try to play games to make you jealous. It’s their little strategy to know if you still have feelings for them. To make you patch up with them, they’ll try to invoke in you the fear of losing them forever to someone else.
They are pretending to or have actually started dating someone just for the sake of making you jealous. They might still feel deeply for you. But they are so hurt that resort to shady means to make you realize what you lost.
4. Never Felt For You Deeply
People move on quickly after a breakup when they were partially or not at all invested in the person they were with. It was either something casual for them, or they were with you just because they were deriving benefits and didn’t want to be single if possible.
Also, maybe your ex loved someone else and always had a special place for them in their heart. The moment they got a chance to be with the new person, they moved on.
5. They Can’t Stay Single
Some people find it hard to stay single for long because they are not used to it. There was never a time in their life where they didn’t have someone as their partner. This makes them fear living the single life. Upon exploring deeper, the problem is always the discomfort they have with their own company.
They always find it easier to tag along with someone new rather than feeling the pain of a breakup and having the courage to stay single for a while on purpose.
6. Your Ex Is Way Over You
Sometimes one or both partners fall out of love while being in the relationship. They choose to stay together because of the fear of not finding someone better than their current partner. They become used to the comfort and fear the unknown.
When they finally separate, they easily move on because they were already over you on a mental and emotional level. Some even start cheating on their partner and, after the breakup, easily move on to the person with whom they were cheating on you.
7. They Have Strong Emotional Endurance
People who are emotionally strong or who have better control over their feelings move on fast. They know how to deal with the pain of losing their partner. They peacefully accept that the two of you were not meant to be and thus never make an effort to reach out.
Unsurprisingly, they make up their minds firmly and start exploring other options that can better cater to their needs.
8. They Found Someone Better
If your ex found someone who is allegedly better than you, moving on quickly will not be much of a problem for them. If they ever remember you, it will only be because of your faults which aren’t there in their newfound crush or love.
For them, you’ll always be a mistake, and they deserved something like what they now have, a long time ago. Yes, the truth is bitter and hurtful. But were you necessarily a bad person? No. Some people are saints at an individual level but behave like total devils in a relationship due to their insecurities.
If you feel you were indeed a jerk to your ex, correct your faults and move on. There’s no use crying over spilled milk.
Whether you move on too fast from a breakup or move too slow, the goal is to move on in a true sense. Unfortunately, for most people, moving on too fast happens due to their attempts to escape the pain. The time itself isn’t that important as the mindset while trying to get over your breakup is.
Someone taking three months to move on from their ex gradually will have a much more peaceful mind than someone who claims that they are over their ex in just two weeks. How is your moving on going? Do you feel you are taking too much time? Or do you feel you are trying to trick your brain?
Let us know in the comments below.