There is a thin line between actually being hard to get and pretending to be a catch. It confuses all men. You aren’t alone.
She is playing hard to get by not texting back if you see a pattern. She’ll text you just enough to keep you on edge but not enough to give the impression that she’s interested. But if she always takes several hours to respond and gives vague, one-word answers, she isn’t into you at all.
When playing games, she’ll always take time to respond but would keep the conversation flowing. But if she clearly says she doesn’t want to talk to you, don’t push it or find hidden meanings. A no means no.
How Do You Tell If She’s Playing Hard To Get Through Text?
1. She Never Replies Right Away
A girl playing hard to get over text would make sure to not reply to your messages right away. Normal texting behavior is random. Sometimes a person responds quickly while chatting, and at other times they do so after completing whatever they were doing.
A woman pretending to be hard to get will always let the text sit in her inbox for a while. She does it to give you the impression that she is not available all the time. She wants you to think that she isn’t too eager and wasn’t waiting for you to text.
2. Always Goes Offline When You Text
If you see that she is mostly online but goes offline the moment you ping her, she is doing it on purpose. Typically, a person would remain online and continue to do what they were doing if they cannot immediately respond to you.
A person trying to genuinely ignore you always has the option to block you if you become intrusive. Even the most polite girls will block you after a while. But a girl playing hard to get can’t do it. She is still interested in you but doesn’t want to show it.
Blocking you would send all the wrong messages. Always going offline when you text shows a pattern, and patterns reek of a game.
3. She Never Texts You First
A girl playing hard to get will never text you first as she doesn’t want to come across as needy and desperate for your attention. She will wait for your text, and only then will a conversation happen.
It may appear that she is not interested in you as she is not initiating the conversation, but all the other signs would show otherwise. When chatting up or seeing each other, she’ll show interest or might even flirt with you. She expects you to chase her.
A girl who is not interested in you will also never text you first. How to differentiate between the two? The one who wants nothing to do with you will make it clear early on. It could be either by directly telling you that she isn’t interested or by outright ignoring your texts repeatedly.
If ever she will talk, it will be vague, and she’ll act aloof.
4. Will Let Your Texts Pile Up
A girl playing games will let your texts pile up throughout the day and reply only at night. Doing so kills two birds with one stone. It makes you wait for her replies, and she gets an excuse to talk to you at night.
And when she finds that you have been waiting for her reply, it instantly establishes your keen interest in her. This is her way of finding out how eager and desperate you are to talk to her.
If you show yourself as a low-value, needy man whose highlight of the day was talking to her, she’ll gradually lose interest in you.
5. You’ll Get Mixed Signals
She will give you mixed signals if she is playing hard to get. You wouldn’t know if she likes you or not. Your confusion will be evident to you. Sometimes she’ll be great to chat with, and sometimes you’ll feel that she’s ignoring you.
By applying the classic push and pull behavior, she’ll keep you in the loop. She’ll pull you when you might lose interest in her and walk away and push you when you show your interest in her.
6. Her Texts Will Feel Indifferent
If you talk to her in real life or on calls, she will be polite even if she does not respond very warmly to your approach. But on texts, you’d feel like you are talking to a completely different person. When a girl is not confident about you, she might question your authenticity as someone who claims to be interested in her.
She will try to play aloof, distant, and ignore you over texts or calls. She would do this to see how badly you want her. It is her way to validate you as someone genuine or otherwise.
A guy just looking to hook up with her for fun with nothing serious in mind is much less likely to put in much effort while pursuing her. This girl will see your message and won’t reply on purpose to test the waters.
She will test your patience and see for how long you are willing to chase her. She’ll make you wait to amplify the reward of finally giving you her attention.
7. She Pretends To Be Busy
Every time you want to know why she always responds after several hours, all she’ll say was that she was busy with something or the other. There are two scenarios here.
One, whether she was busy or not, you aren’t important enough for her to be let in on the details of what kept her occupied. You’ll notice that this girl’s overall behavior would be in alignment with her non-interest in you. Text, calls, or real life, you would get no signs of interest from her.
Two, she is just pretending to be occupied. She is making you try hard. This girl’s textual behavior will not be in alignment with her overall behavior. The moment she feels the danger of you not texting or calling anymore, she will initiate the conversation.
Even the busiest person who is interested in you and not trying to play games will give a very satisfactory reason for their absence when asked. Their reasons will sound genuine and might even vary. More than that, they’ll try to keep in touch.
But if someone is always busy with unexplained absence and gives similar reasons, either they are not interested in you at all or just trying to look busy. In both the cases, it isn’t advisable to pursue her anymore.
What Do I Do When She Plays Hard To Get?
When she plays hard to get, catch her off guard by calling her out. Most men won’t dare to confront her about the games she plays. Don’t be rude, though. Tell her that you know she is playing hard to get, and she doesn’t need to. You find her to be a high-value woman as it is.
Playing games is unattractive. But some women play hard to get because of bad past experiences. They don’t want to be assumed as an ‘easy lay’ and taken for granted later on. She will overanalyze everything now before taking the next step with you.
If you really like her, you need to show her that you are not like the other men from her past. Still, if she is hell-bent on playing games to get attention despite you calling her out, leave her and move on. A girl playing games just to feed her ego and toy around with men is never worth it.
Here are a few more things to try before moving on completely:
1. Do Not Give Up Easily
She might be testing your interest in her by playing hard. As mentioned before, not every girl playing hard to get is doing it just for fun or trying to play mind games and then toss you into the dustbin. She might be testing your patience and dedication.
She wants to know if your feelings for her are on the surface level or more profound than that. Don’t expect her to give her time to someone who is just trying to fool around or hook up. When she is playing hard to get, you should try harder for some time.
It’s easy to quit and move on but hard to keep putting in the effort. Be persistent. If you don’t, someone else will come along who would pursue her consistently for some time. Flirt with her to create attraction. It is better than playing games.
However, do not put up with her behavior when you realize or get to know from somewhere that she is just playing you around to get some sick pleasure. Run away faster from her than you would run away from a bloodsucking vampire.
2. Get To Know Her Better
A guy who just wants a quick hookup will have no interest in knowing the real person in her. This is where you have the chance to stand out. Take an interest in her interests. When texting, focus more on her. Ask questions that allow her to speak. Know about her likes and dislikes, needs and desires.
It will help you plan your first date and make it special for her since you would have a fair bit of idea about her likes and dislikes. You will be able to give her a memorable time and have better things to talk about. Use your knowledge to surprise her.
3. Change Your Texting Game
Don’t be boring in your text messages. Add humor, wit, compliments, and some sass into them. Test everything and see what intrigues her and gets her typing. This part will become easier for you if you know her taste.
When you create that text chemistry between you, she will always look forward to your messages. She will drop the hard to get charade and instantly respond to your text as she was eagerly waiting for it.
4. Help Her Put Her Guard Down
A girl will put her guard down for you if she no longer sees you as a danger. You’ll have to win her trust by showing her that you are not someone who is going to play with her emotions. You are someone who respects her feelings and will never hurt her by doing anything stupid.
Give her that comfortable space where she can be vulnerable around you. Be a great company to her and create a strong bond. It doesn’t mean that you should look to be her friend first. That’ll immediately put you in the black hole of friendzone.
Look to create chemistry. Flirt with her, but at the same time, show her that she is not just some other girl for you. She will open up more if she is attracted to you and trusts you.
5. Show Her You Are Different
She may be thinking of you as those random guys who casually ask her out and looking for some no-strings-attached fun. You need to show her that you are not a playboy. Yes, you are an attractive man, and girls fancy you, but you have your eyes on her. Don’t try to cook up stories, though.
Only say these things if, in reality, you are popular among girls. If not, it’s totally fine. Don’t bring it up. Not everyone looks like a Greek god. Show that you are not after her for a hookup or casual dating. There are plenty of girls you could approach for the same.
If you want something more from her, show that you intend to give something more—your time and emotions. You have strong feelings for her, and you are okay with chasing her if that is what she wants. This is another way of calling out her playing hard to get.
Let her know that you genuinely like her, and her company makes you feel good.
6. Be Confident In Your Approach
Being shy or reserved can be cute sometimes, but most girls want a man to be confident while approaching her. They want someone who is gutsy enough to step forward and ask her out while looking into her eyes. An alpha male is attractive.
Be someone who knows what he wants and makes an effort to get it. Failure is much better than never trying. Right from the beginning, make your intentions pretty clear to her through flirting and teasing. If while texting you feel that she is playing hard to get or behaving aloof, ask her out sometime soon.
While asking her out, don’t ask for her permission in literal terms. Instead, suggest a place and time for a date and see if she accepts. There is no point in wasting precious time on a girl who isn’t interested in you or always playing games. If she rejects your advances, move on.
Don’t hang around and wait for a miracle to happen. Keep things simple and transparent. Set the tone right from the very beginning. Let it be clear that you aren’t here to fool around or be thrown into the friend zone.
7. Plan Beyond The Text Messages
Once you’ve built the ground for communication, it’s time to take things forward. You may spark her interest over text messages, but you won’t gain anything fruitful unless the two of you go out on a lot of dates.
Even if she is giving mixed signals, i.e., playing hard to get most of the time and showing interest here and there, it won’t be permanent. If you don’t act on time, she’ll gradually lose whatever little interest she might have in you.
So many guys make the mistake of trying to make things perfect over text when in reality, their focus should be to go on dates.
8. Have A Life Of Your Own
Even though you are pursuing her, don’t be available all the time. Don’t let her have everything she wants. She should never get the idea that your whole life revolves around her, even if it feels like the most romantic thing to do. It’s a big no-no.
She should feel special to be a part of your life. That would always leave her wanting for more. Where’s the fun in making her your whole life? There will be no mystery left. She should see you as an independent individual who is ambitious and has his own life.
It will make her respect you much more than you imagine. The romance you see in films and on T.V. is not real. Real-life romance thrives on moderation and not an excess of everything.
9. Beat Her At Her Own Game
This is something you should keep handy for a later stage. It may sound stupid. You may even think that doing so will push her away, but it can get her to drop the charade if done right. Once you have intensified her attraction for you and things look better than they were in the beginning, try to pull back.
Give her a little less attention than before. It should seem like you still like her, but now you don’t have enough time to go after her. Why are we asking you to do this? Isn’t this the same as playing games like her and the exact opposite of what we’ve been suggesting throughout this article? No.
The reason behind it is simple. You did your part, and now it’s time for you to step back. It’s time for her to step up and make an effort. Don’t you want to see whether she is into you the same way you are into her? It will be a glaring representation of what being with her will be like.
Imagine a relationship where you are the only one making all the efforts. Vetting her for intent is not playing games. Do remember, though, that throttling the time and attention you have given her till now might have repercussions.
It will make her uneasy, even furious, but at the same time will act as a reminder that if she keeps playing games, she may lose something meaningful.
How Do You Know If A Girl Is Playing Hard To Get Or Not Interested?
To know if a girl is playing hard to get or not interested, don’t follow her words. How does she behave around you? Body language and tone of voice are great indicators. Apart from texts, meet her at least once a week or call her. An interested girl will not be able to suppress her fancy for long.
Here are a few more distinctions:
1. When Is She Playing Hard To Get?
A girl playing hard to get will slam down your approach consistently but will never cut you off completely. She will show that she is not one bit interested and doesn’t care whether you like her. But the moment you ghost her, she will return after a few days on your radar using some excuse or the other.
She’d be interested in knowing what’s going on in your life but will never ask you directly. She’d often suggest that you’ll have to up your game to get her as she is not an easy catch. Probably, she’ll also comment on how she is used to other guys doing the same things for her.
Her focus would be on making you jealous and show you how other guys are trying to woo her. If you ask to meet her, she’ll be postponing it as much as she can but will never be closed to the idea.
She wants to delay the gratification so that when she finally says yes, you know that you’ve hit the jackpot and not won a low-value freebie.
2. When Is She Not At All Interested?
A girl who is not interested in you will never actively indulge in a conversation with you. Most of the time, she won’t text back. Unlike the girl playing hard to get, her responses won’t feel calculated and depend on her mood.
The replies will be compact, to the point, and won’t leave much room for further conversation. Open-ended questions that make room for more texts are something you’ll never see her sending. She’ll never show any interest in knowing about you or your life, even when you ghost her.
Her chats will feel unemotional and cold. To her, you won’t even be a friend, and she’d be better off without your pestering texts. The more polite ones would constantly emphasize how you are her friend. An uninterested girl will never suggest time or place alternatives when you ask her out.
She won’t postpone and will just say no. The more frequent you become with your texts, the more you’ll feel her drift away. Any other girl who doesn’t care what you think will straight away block you if you do not get the signal when she says no. Do not trouble her anymore as she isn’t playing hard to get.
Should You Ignore A Girl Who Plays Hard To Get?
You should not ignore a girl playing hard to get. Generalizing her as immature isn’t right. A girl can play hard to get because of bad past experiences. But if the girl is doing it just to come off as important, you are better off without her. There are other girls who don’t believe in playing games.
Playing hard to get is sometimes a girl’s way to vet a man. An average woman finds men flirting with her almost every day, and it will be a problem for her if she reverts the interest without any filter in place. Girls have many such filters to weed out unworthy men.
Ignoring a girl on purpose to show high value will not take you anywhere with her. She will see right through you as girls are pretty good at sensing when a guy is faking it. If you are sure that she is interested in you, a better option is to call out her behavior in a polite way and catch her off guard.
Tell her in a fun, humorous way that playing games doesn’t work with you. You can do a few more things here:
1. Apply The Give And Test Strategy
If you are the one who has been giving her attention till now, it’s time to test its effect. Instead of acting needy and desperate when she doesn’t reply, wait for her to respond however long it takes. Let her make an effort to connect with you.
You don’t want to invest your time in someone who doesn’t even care a little about you. If she does text you after you pull back, start the chasing game again. Give her attention and test her reaction. As long as it brings her back to you for more, it’s all good.
A man not dying for love is attractive to a woman. It shows her that you are in control of your emotions and not a puppet like the other guys try to be just to impress her. You are someone who knows how to charm a girl, but at the same time, knows his limits.
2. When To Ignore Her Completely?
When you see that she is behaving coldly despite all your efforts, it’s time to stop chasing. The whole purpose of your efforts up to this point was to move the needle. Also, if you find that she is someone who is playing hard to get just for fun, and it’s her way to establish dominance, it’s a big red flag.
Even if she is interested in you, a person trying to assert dominance isn’t great for the future of any relationship. Remember, the power in a relationship lies with the one who needs it the least.
A girl who is playing hard to get can be tricky to understand, but once you get past her barrier, you might see a sweet, warm person behind the walls. Knock those walls down to unveil her true nature. She has her reasons to play hard to get, but what is your reason to play along with her?
Do you see her as a reward worth winning? Or do you see her as a normal person with whom you’d be in a happy space? Seeing her as a reward and putting her on a pedestal will only make you act against your true nature. The chase is interesting only if both the people do it. Push and pull!