A relationship is very complex and money matters including ‘who should pay for what’ makes it even more challenging. Being in a relationship means sharing everything, being each other’s strength, being supportive, and a lot more.
If you are in a relationship, then it would be best to decide who should pay for what according to the financial conditions of each partner. If you both are well off in terms of money, then you can always split the expenses into half.
In other cases, talk things through with your partner and find out a way best suited for you two.
Before We Begin
Before stepping into a relationship, we should know that whatever we expect, we should be ready to give the same to our partner. It is essential to understand that we should become an asset to our partner, and not a liability.
Who should pay for what is proportional to the financial circumstances of each individual in a relationship. It depends upon each partner’s understanding of the other person involved. The whole point is not to make one partner feel burdened and broke.
You are both equal in this relationship, and similar efforts are required from both of you.
A Date Is Different Than A Relationship
Dating is a casual thing with no feelings attached. While dating, you explore your options and just want to have fun. You care about the person to an extent, but you are concerned about yourself more. You don’t have to buy expensive gifts for your date and take them shopping on their request.
Though, you are not liable to bear every single expense of your partner even in a relationship. And this is just the dating period. Your partner doesn’t know much about you, so they don’t care enough about your financial situation.
You cannot trust them with money related issues because what will happen if you won’t be together in the long run? You will end up with a hole in the pocket. So, while dating, you focus more on your finances.
On the other hand, being in a relationship is something special. Good and honest relationships are selfless. We care more about your partner than ourselves. Sometimes we even compromise in certain situations while in a relationship.
You are both so happy and in love with each other that it doesn’t matter who pays for what because you won’t take advantage of your partner. We mutually manage our finances and talk about the problems regarding debts, if any.
Also, in a relationship, you are more than happy to help your partner in a financial crisis. A relationship is where you know that the other person is equally invested in you in terms of feelings, emotions, and efforts. So, dynamics are different. However, do not trust anyone blindly and don’t be absolutely naive.
Look out for signs whether or not your partner is using you.
Who Should Pay For Dinner, Movies, etc.?
Whether you are dating or are in a relationship, it is obvious that you would want to have fun with your partner and explore new things. We all want to make as many memories as possible with our partners, be it a night at the movies, a weekend getaway, or a romantic candlelight dinner to spend some quality time.
When your partner asks you out, along with it pops questions related to bookings and expenses. If your partner always pays for both of you, would that make you look greedy? Yes! Thus, whoever takes the other person out, it would always be safe to bring enough money to pay for things.
You should always be ready to share the cost or pay the whole amount. One should always offer to pay, even if you are not planning to spend much, depending upon your financial conditions. Your partner will appreciate the gesture and won’t feel like you are taking advantage.
The point here is to have a good time together. Don’t let a situation develop where one partner starts feeling uncomfortable due to spending too much. Also, you can always communicate about finances and expenses with your partner.
If you are not okay with always paying the bills or your partner is not letting you pay the bills, then talk it out. Equality is a must in every relationship.
When You Are Dating
We think that while you are dating, it would be fine if the person who initiates the date pays. If you initiated the first date, you go for the bill, and if your partner asks for a second date, then it is fair for them to pay the bill or you can split. The vice-versa is also true.
Always choose a place that falls under your budget. If it’s you who are always asking them out, then you should let them know about your concern subtly. Do this to make them understand your point without harming your relations with them.
In a different scenario, where you decide to do more than one thing on a date like watching a movie followed by dinner, then split the bill. One should cover for films, and the other should pick up the tab for dinner or drinks. What approach you follow depends upon your level of understanding with your date.
When You Are In A Relationship
When it comes to a relationship, the dynamics of ‘who should do what’ changes. There are feelings attached, you care for them, and you are always more concerned about your partner than yourself.
So, if the understanding between you and your partner is right, then the answer is to understand each other’s situation and pay accordingly. Sometimes you pay and sometimes let your partner do the same. This way, you both will get the chance to put effort into the relationship, without burdening each other.
If you think that your partner does not understand you, then you should let them know and try to split the expenses in a way feasible to both of you.
Who Should Pay If You Are Living Together?
Now that you are living together with your partner, it is an ideal situation for sharing all the household expenses equally. You should avoid being dependent on your partner and should always try to pay your share on time, be it the rent, utilities, or groceries.
Being dependent will not only take away the freedom of doing things yourself but also all the responsibilities will fall on to your partner’s shoulder. This will later affect your relationship in various ways, eventually drifting your partner away from you because no one wants to carry any burden forever.
So, always strive to share the responsibilities equally. You both should split the rent in half or pay in alternative months according to your convenience. You should set an amount for all the grocery shopping, utilities and together contribute half the amount at the beginning of every month.
It would be better to take care of personal expenses on your own and let your partner do the same. It would be wise not to buy together anything that incurs significant expenses (a car or a house) until you are married.
The reason behind that is if for any reason, you guys decide to end the relationship, then it will become challenging to divide things. Remember, everything is only manageable as long as you two are together. Divorces happen and marriages break too but not as frequently as breakups happen.
Why Do Men Think They Should Always Pay?
It is not unusual for men to think that they are the ones who should always pay the bills, whether they are dating or are in a relationship. This is the culture they have seen around them since they were kids. They have been taught to treat their women like princesses by doing anything and everything.
Making sweet gestures is acceptable only if you are doing it by heart and not just to get the girl. Men think that money is the best way to get a girl.
Well, that can be true in cases where the girl is a gold digger, but if you want some genuine love, then expensive gifts or taking them shopping is not the answer. You need to show them the real you and make them attracted to you, not your money.
Some men do not let their women pay because doing so will hurt their male ego. They always want to show that they are superior. However, in today’s world where equality is heavily propagated, such kind of attitude will only hurt your relationship with your partner.
For some men, it becomes awkward when a girl tries to pay the bill. They do not want the girl to think less of them, so to show that they have enough money, they won’t ever let the girl pay. Even if always paying everywhere will burn a hole in their pockets.
Is It Okay For A Woman To Pay?
Women like their man to court them and show some care, but it is totally fine for a woman to pay the bills whenever she wants. Picking up the tabs is not only about money, but it also helps in making some strong statements. It helps you return the kind gesture from time to time.
Taking your man out without letting him spend a single penny will make him feel special. He will know that you are happy to invest in the relationship and are grateful for being with them. By doing so, you will let your man know that you are capable enough to pay the bills, and you are independent.
Some women use men for their selfish needs, so this is an excellent way to show your man that you are not after their money and are genuinely there to spend time with him. Also, try to ask your man out as much as he does and pay for the date yourself.
This way you are letting him know that you are also concerned about the money being spent in the outings. You are showing them that you are equally responsible, and are ready to put in the same amount of effort that he puts into the relationship.
How To Not Offend Your Partner While Suggesting To Split The Expenses
Money is a sensitive topic. It can make or break your relations with anyone. When it comes to talking about money, you need to be extra careful with your words.
1. Be Polite
It is essential to be polite and respect the other person’s feelings while talking about anything that may offend them. Don’t let anger or frustration take over as it will make things only worse. Be calm and patient while explaining the issues that are bothering you.
2. Explain Your Point Of View
Explain your point of view to your partner as it will help them look at things like you do. Don’t let misinterpretation ruin everything and leave your partner hurt. Be thorough and clear about what you think and want.
3. Make Them Understand The Expenses
It is quite possible that your partner doesn’t have any idea about how much load this relationship is putting on you in terms of finances. So, please give them a detailed view of the expenses and make them understand how you are struggling to keep up.
4. Share The Plan
If you already have an idea about moving forward without putting a load on each other and manage the expenses, then share that plan with your partner. If you are well prepared, then chances of your partner being on board increase exponentially.
Maybe they will like the idea and if not then discuss and come to a solution suitable to both of you.
5. Don’t Force Them
If your partner doesn’t share the same views as you on who should bear the expenses then, choose whether you want to continue this relationship or not. Please don’t force them to do something they don’t believe in as it will only make the situation ugly.
A Word Of Advice
It is human nature to be accustomed to how others treat them in the beginning, and if what comes later does not correlate then it becomes unexpected and hard to accept. The exact thing happens when it comes to a relationship.
We behave differently at the start of a relationship as we tend to push our limits to impress our partner. We try to become someone that we are not. Later on, when things get back to normal, they see the real us, which is unexpected and a big change for them.
So it becomes crucial to practice consistent behavior from early on so that your expectations don’t shock your partner. Or even if you are changing now, go gradually. Rome was not built in a day. If you are at the beginning of your relationship, don’t show them something you are not, be who you are.
If you believe in sharing the cost then, split now if you want to do so in the future too and don’t, if you are comfortable paying for your partner forever. However, see to it that your partner is not using you for money. Not taking money should be your choice and not your partner’s.
Who should pay for what doesn’t matter, what matters is the person you want to spend your money on is worth it or not. Don’t be foolish enough to do everything for someone who may not deserve it. Rather, act wisely even if you think that the person you are with is going to be with you forever.
We hope that we were able to satisfy your query with our article. If you know any other way of splitting the bills, then do share it with us in the comment section below. We would be happy to analyze the same and possibly add it to our above article.
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