Are you worried about how you can break up with a nice guy without hurting him? Do you want to get rid of the guilt? Let us find a way together.
There is NO one-step maneuver for breaking up that you can execute and boom, it will be done. You’ll have to face the awkwardness and be truthful while explaining your feelings to the person, no matter how much effort a nice guy puts into pleasing you.
If you aren’t in love with the guy, then there is no point continuing further even for a day.
Before We Begin
Breaking up with a guy who is really nice and sweet can be a tough task. Also, it can be heart-shattering for both the partners. Sometimes it’s not easy even for the one who is initiating it. Clear communication is the key. Be polite, speak your heart out, and everything will go smoothly.
You need to be very patient and calm while telling a nice guy the bitter truth. Obviously, it’s going to hurt him, and you can’t help it. Here are some tips that you can follow to make this break up hurt him a little less and make you feel less guilty simultaneously.
Steps To Initiate A Break Up With A Nice Guy
Parting ways with a nice guy who never did anything wrong to you and always tried to make you happy can be hurting and stressful. With time you realize the differences between you and your boyfriend, which made you think whether you both are compatible or not in the first place.
No one should be in a relationship where they feel they don’t belong. Don’t panic though, we have some pretty handy information that you need to know before going for the ‘kill’.
Also, while this article deals with how to break up with a nice guy, some of the steps mentioned below and the subsequent information can be applied to any other breakup too.
1. Be Sure About What You Want
It often happens that people make such a huge decision in the heat of the moment or without giving it a proper thought. And it gets too late till they realize what a grave mistake they have done by leaving the other person. Take as much time as you need to decide.
If you really want to end things, then the thought of hurting that guy may try to prevent you from breaking up. You need to know that it’s not at all selfish to think about your happiness because if you won’t, no one will.
Before you decide to break things up with your boyfriend, it’s really important to think things through so that you don’t end up regretting your decision.
2. Give Him A Hint About What’s Coming
Most breakups come as a shock because some fail to guess what’s coming. So, we advise before you finally decide to tell him the truth, try giving him some hint like “we need to talk” or “it’s about you and me” kind of stuff. Anything that you feel will give him a slight hint about what he should be expecting.
If he already has an idea about it, then the chances of things going messy & haywire will be less because you already gave him time to prepare himself mentally for the D-day.
3. Meet In Person Somewhere Private
Always meet the guy in person, that too somewhere private where no one else is present. Feeling of getting humiliated in public by someone you love is harsher than the break up itself.
In case you both find yourselves in tears and don’t want to be seen by others, then please move to a place where no one is around, and he won’t feel embarrassed. If you think he can physically hurt you then meet somewhere quiet in public. But we doubt that since you are saying he is a nice guy.
Breaking up over text or call is a very stupid idea. Think if somebody else does that to you, how would you feel? Don’t take the coward’s way out. Be brave enough to do it on his face.
4. Keep Delicacy Of The Situation In Mind
When you are the one to break the news to your partner about splitting up, then you should be the one who needs to be extra calm while doing so. Speak very politely and explain everything clearly. If possible, try to share some positive things that you experienced while you were with him.
Even if things get a little heated up, you should be the one to understand and behave maturely. You were prepared for this, but he was not, so while dealing with him, don’t let your emotion take the better of you. It’s obvious for him to behave in that way because he is hurt.
But at the same time, if you lose control, then things can get passive-aggressive, which we want to avoid at any cost.
5. Be Transparent
When you have a heart to heart conversation, then the chances of it going rough are less. So try to speak your heart out in front of him. Let him know everything that is there to know, but don’t be rude or sarcastic. Tell him what you want and how you don’t see you two together in the long run.
Being honest will not only clear the air between you two but will also save you from unnecessary future troubles. At the same time, don’t try to dig deep into the relationship and show him where he lacked or how he was not a perfect boyfriend.
Doing so will only make the situation worse and hard to handle. Keep it honest and full of positive emotions.
6. Show Some Compassion
If you desperately want this breakup to happen, then chances of you not listening to your partner and arguing with him will increase. You might behave unreasonably and even come across as too harsh. This can emotionally hurt the other person even more and can also make him feel like you never cared.
If he steers the situation to the point of aggressiveness and doesn’t want to give up on this relationship easily, then too, keep your calm and try to understand his feelings. Don’t shout, be aggressive, or try to harm him in any way. To avoid this, you need to be in your senses.
Keeping all the good times that you’ve spent together in mind will help you show some empathy. It won’t be tough. After all, he is someone you shared your feelings with for quite some time. And his outrage (if any) is more due to the shock of the impending change.
7. Give A Proper Closure
When there is no appropriate end to a relationship or any other thing in life, people find it hard to move on. All the time, their mind is occupied with the thoughts of what went wrong and where they lacked.
To live a peaceful life and to start things fresh, your boyfriend should have a clear mind where he is not bothered about the past and finds satisfactory answers to all the questions he has in mind regarding the breakup.
He should know exactly why you two are not together so that there are no unresolved emotions, and he can finally move on. While breaking up, it’s recommended not to leave things open-ended and give a proper closure because he deserves it, and it’s his right.
Not doing so will make him keep coming back in search of answers, maybe in the form of repeated calls or texts. Also, not having proper closure and unresolved emotions might drive him towards extreme steps like suicide due to stress and a clouded mind.
Being a nice guy, he is much more prone to being hurt emotionally. Remember that he is a nice guy and the world deserves him.
8. Listen To What He Has To Say
While you say your share of things, don’t expect that there won’t be any questions or statements from his side. You need to prepare for any situation that can possibly arise. He can react in several ways, but you need to keep your calm and be patient enough to listen to whatever he has to say carefully.
Try avoiding arguments as much as possible. Don’t rob him from the satisfaction of being heard by you one last time before you two say goodbye to each other. So, if it takes a little bit of patience and you to be cool, then so be it, because we want a clean breakup and not a hell lot of mess.
9. Take Full Responsibility For Your Actions
When you have decided to take such a huge step that’s going to affect you and your boyfriend, then you should act a bit more mature. Most people try to put the blame on situations or their partners, which makes the breakup even more awful.
Do not make any excuse or try to put it on him or lie about the reason for the breakup. If you’ll act wisely and take full responsibility for your actions, then you’ll end up hurting the other person a little less emotionally.
This might also be because now, at least he’ll get the feeling that you are the villain in this breakup (which you might not be), and he or whatever he did is not the reason behind it. Taking responsibility is not an easy thing to do.
It takes a lot of courage to come clean in front of others, but you’ll also get the satisfaction of moving on without any guilt or burden.
10. Break It Off Respectfully
It is important to keep in mind that this person that you are going to break up with was once your boyfriend. He was someone you loved or at least thought you loved. So try breaking up with this guy in a respectful and dignified way.
At least be at your best behavior and understand you can’t control how the other person would react to the news. We don’t want him to end up hating you for the rest of his life. Does it mean that you guys should stay friends?
Maybe or maybe not but we want him to think of you as someone with moral values and not as someone who disrespected him or ill-treated him. So, give each other the respect you both deserve.
Things To Avoid When You Break Up With A Nice Guy
More than what to do, one should know what not to do as it will help to keep the situation under control. Because of the things mentioned below, most breakups become awfully bad and take an ugly turn.
As we want to avoid this situation, so here are some things you should definitely avoid doing while breaking up with a nice guy.
1. Don’t Start Ignoring Him
Yes, we know you want to get out of this relationship as soon as possible, but ignoring him is not the answer here. When you ignore someone you don’t push them away, you make them even crazier and much more prone to chasing you.
They will do everything to get in contact with you again and may end up doing something terrible like stalking you or trying to hack into your social media accounts, which will, of course, land him in legal trouble. Even though he is a nice guy, but adverse situations bring out the worst in people.
Also, you don’t want to look rude and arrogant by ignoring him. Remember that you should end things on a good note so that no one goes out there and bad mouth the other person. If you can sort things out just by holding a face to face conversation with him, then why make it more complicated.
2. Don’t Involve Others In Your Breakup
When you want a clean breakup, it’s always wise to keep others out of it. You both were in a relationship with each other and not with them. No one can understand the situation better than you two. Also, involving others complicates the whole scenario and makes it ugly.
You guys are a better judge of your feelings rather than them. You need to give each other the satisfaction of being heard. Moreover, if you two somehow end up together after this, it will make him feel humiliated in front of common friends or families if things were made public.
So, keep things personal unless the situation requires otherwise.
3. Don’t Play The Blame Game
There is no use blaming each other for any past mistakes when you’ve already decided to call it off. Doing so will only make you two lose respect for each other and hate each other even after you two are not together.
Also, after you two are not together, respect the time that you’ve spent together and do not bad mouth or disrespect each other in front of others. Blaming each other is very childish. Act maturely.
4. Don’t Try To Humiliate Each Other
If you are planning to call your friends and humiliate your ex, then stop right there. Humiliating someone is a terrible idea, both morally and socially. You both need to understand that going through a break up is already a very rough phase in itself.
One should not have to carry the added weight of getting humiliated and ill-treated by a loved one to it. It can and will leave him in emotional distress and pain. So, do not use bad words or try to devalue him or make him feel guilty in any way. There is no point in doing so.
Instead, show some empathy and try to end it peacefully.
5. Don’t Try To End It On ‘Staying Friends’ Terms
Yes, you read that right. To decrease his pain or even out of sympathy, you may say that “Let’s be friends” or “We can remain friends in the future or maybe get into a relationship”.
Well, this is a terrible idea. Instead of forgetting you and moving on, he will think that he still has a chance and will wait for you to come back, but we all know what the truth is. Since nice guys are a bit more emotionally vulnerable, therefore, he may end up believing every word that comes out of your mouth.
Moreover, to help him forget you and heal, you need to stay away from the person and not be friends with him, thus keeping the spark alive. If you don’t love him now, you most probably won’t love him in the future, either. So don’t mislead him or give him false hopes.
6. Avoid Having A Fight
We know breakups can turn ugly pretty quickly but try to be as calm as possible. He can get angry as he would be hurt but try to handle the situation sensitively. Don’t get all hyped up and start fighting with him. Think of the best possible way to get out of this relationship without having to fight.
If you feel that he is about to hurt you physically (we don’t take things for granted), then no need to continue the conversation. Just say that you are running late for somewhere and get out of there as soon as possible. Your safety is of paramount importance.
7. Don’t Lie About The Actual Reason
Don’t try to give him stupid reasons for breaking up or cook up stories. He should know it from you before he knows from someone else. Lying about it will only postpone the drama for a bit, and it will be even harder for him when he gets to know the truth.
Tell him the truth for your own satisfaction and peace. You will regret lying to him, and it will affect your mental peace and the overall process of moving on. So be direct and do not beat around the bush. Tell him exactly why you want to leave him but also be kind while explaining.
8. Breakup Sex Is A Bad Idea
Howsoever fun, necessary, or logical, it may sound, for most people having ‘breakup sex’ turns out to be a bad idea. All of us are not that practical or mentally developed to have breakup sex and feel nothing afterwards for the other person.
Moreover, it can shake your decision to break up, and you may be left feeling confused. The guy you are trying to break up with can also get weird hints out of it and all of that tough breakup conversation will become pointless.
Having breakup sex is equal to sprinkling salt on fresh wounds and not giving it time to heal.
9. Don’t Leave Room For Doubts
Everyone wants their questions and doubts answered. If you don’t give him the opportunity, he will try and create one. If you leave things unclear, then it is very likely that he will come up with his own explanations, which might drive him towards actions uncalled for.
Maybe he will think you were cheating on him, or you never were interested in him. Anything that he finds suitable will become his version of the story and the cause of subsequent actions. So to avoid that, you need to be clear about everything from the very beginning till the very end.
Give him all the answers he needs so that there is no room left for doubts creeping up in the future.
10. Don’t Carry Any Guilt
The most important part is to not hate yourself for breaking up with this really nice guy. You may feel like you are the worst person in the world for doing so, and you are hurting a sweet guy. However, it’s not wrong to think about your happiness above everything else.
Because if you are not happy in a relationship, then how can you call it a happy relationship? Know that by dragging this relationship, you are just postponing the inevitable. Eventually, you are going to get tired and quit. So it’s better to do it now than later.
Understand that it was bound to happen, and you can’t control how you feel for someone. Breaking up doesn’t make you bad. It makes you wise enough to realize that what is good for you and what is not.
It makes you brave enough to come out of your comfort zone (most people are afraid of being single) and choose what makes you happy. Also, it means that you made the right decision at the right time. Everyone deserves to be happy and get to choose with whom they want to feel happy.
Why Do I Want To Break Up With A Great Guy
It is not strange for people to not feel any affection for a person who is nice and great. We don’t have any control over our feelings. Remember the line ‘Attraction isn’t a choice.’ You cannot choose to be attracted to somebody.
A girl can ignore all the efforts by the best guy in the world and fall for a guy who won’t even bother to care. And you must have seen that happening to you or your friends more than a fair share of times.
The Possible Reasons
You want to break up with him because, however great he may be, he doesn’t feel right. You don’t feel that attraction towards him any longer. As simple as that. Maybe he is not the one you see yourself with.
He is not someone you would want to give all your love, or you don’t see yourself growing old with him (if you were looking for someone like that). For some people, it’s not what the other person feels for them. It’s more about how they feel about the other person.
They want to feel loved, but more than that, they want to love the other person. So, when they realize that they don’t feel that way for the other person, then breaking up becomes the obvious choice.
Is Breaking Up Justified?
Because of all these reasons you want to break up with him, irrespective of how nice he is or the efforts he may be putting in to keep this relationship going. When you both are not on the same page and do not feel similarly for each other even after giving it some time, then a break up becomes the best option.
If you know that it’s not going to work out for you two, the sooner you break up, the better. Because clinging onto things that you don’t want in life will make it even harder to leave in the future.
He will also get too attached to you, and the more he feels for you, the chance of him being hurt will only increase from here. You should break up as soon as you realize your true feelings for him as it would be best for both of you in the long run.
How To Make A Guy Break Up With You
There are many ways in which you can make a guy break up with you, but why you want to do so? It will only make you look bad in his eyes, and he may end up hating you. A better idea is to have a conversation and let him know you don’t want to continue.
Still, if you are thinking of ending your relationship without having to say a word to him and drive him towards a point where he might want to end it himself, then read along.
Possible Steps You Can Take
- Start by ignoring him. Don’t call or text him first and stop picking up his call or texting him frequently.
- If he asks to meet, then tell him you are a bit too busy. Do it frequently. Top it up with ‘I want some space in this relationship’ from time to time.
- Intentionally pick up fights with him over small things and start being selfish. Stop caring for him, and don’t bother asking how he is doing.
- When he talks about the future, tell him that you don’t know if you are sure about it. Be vague in your conversation about the future together. Give him slight hints that you are planning something apart.
- Stop being intimate with him. If he invites you over, always make some excuses and always try to meet in public.
- If you somehow end up alone with him, put all your energy into picking up a fight and getting out of there fuming.
- Stop telling him that you love him.
- When you are out with his friends, try to flirt with his best friend and make sure he notices you while doing so. Start texting his best buddy and leave the rest on his other friends.
Overall if you stop being the perfect girlfriend, then eventually he will get tired of making things right and saying sorry for things that he feels he is not even responsible for.
Rethink Your Decision
But in our opinion again, it’s a bad idea to do such things as it will malign your image in his eyes and he may bad mouth you after the breakup. Also, you will not be able to live without the guilt of doing such terrible things to a nice and sweet guy.
So, we always advise on ending things respectfully with your partner in a dignified way instead of looking for the easy way out.
Breaking up has always been a tough task to do as it leaves two people hurt emotionally. It is still hard when you are the one initiating it, due to the guilt involved. And it becomes immensely difficult when the guy on the other side is a good person.
So, it will always work in your favor if you know one or two things about how to do it the right way. It makes the situation less hurtful and more manageable for both of you. Know that it happens to all, and however hard it may seem now, you’ll come out of it just fine.
There are many approaches to a breakup, and you should choose what is best suited for your scenario. We sincerely hope we were able to help you. Let us know in the comments what steps did you take or have a related story.